Broken

I'm trying not to talk to him. Its only been about a day, but I'm trying not to. Its just the one thing that calms me down. The night after we broke up, he called me and we just talked for awhile like nothing was wrong. It was nice. I miss that. I miss him so much. I just want to see him and be with him. And I don't know what to do because he doesn't want to see me anymore. I still have his stuff too. Well, its just a sweatshirt, but I have it and I don't want it anymore. It reminds me too much of him. But I don't want to forget, I just don't want to cry all the time over him. But I can't help it. I'm fine for a long time, but then I'll just think about everything way too much and I just break down. I can't keep my mind off of it. Its just making me miserable. Everyone's saying, oh you'll move on, you'll forget, you'll get over it, its for the best, but its really not. I don't even want to get over him because I don't want it to be over. Its not for the best because its just making me sad. I still have feelings for him, and I just want him to too.

Relationships

I miss him. I mean I miss our relationship and everything, but I just miss him most of all. I miss everything he is and has been to me. I want to be his best friend just to be close to him. I know him so well, and probably more than some people will ever know. I never want to hear about any girl he may like or want to date because I want that girl to be me. I've told him things I've never shared with anyone. I've never felt this way towards anyone in my life. I really thought he was "the one." Maybe he still is? We'll have to see how this goes. Maybe its good to take a break. It has been 14+ months of dating. Let's see how this goes....

progressiveU.

More political/big issue topics in a blog.
I'm still going to update this.. eventually.

These mishaps, your bubble wrap. You have no idea what you're like..

I haven't written in this in a long time. I've had too much work, with last term being mostly honors/AP core classes. Now, this term, my only core classes are bio and AP; big deal, eh? So I guess I've got some catching up to do:..

Gym starts up this term. I was completely dreading it since I haven't had gym since seventh grade. But its honestly not that bad. We're going to play broomball. I'm uber excited. I can be completely aggressive, and it shall be fun.

Also, newspaper started. It was fun knowing what to do. There are so many J1 now! But this year, Liz, Meredith, and I got to pick our own computers. I'm the Tech editor for this issue also; fun stuff. I got the articles I wanted too (a review & top ten). I'm excited for what's going to happen next. Oh, and I made a new blog exclusively for anything I write journalism-wise.

Next, hmm, well there's this boy.. (there's always a boy). But I've liked him for so long and everyone already knows it or kinda knows it so I don't need to go on about him. Other people-I've started to make new friends. Chelsea's dating Mitch and we hang out with him a lot now. He taught us Texas Hold 'Em yesterday. We were going to play after school today, but we couldn't.

I'm a little upset I haven't been keeping this up since that was something I wanted to do. But I'll actually have time to now. I wrote a few times in my notebook; I might add those to this eventually. Well, I'm off to bed. Uber tired. Out.

Boys Like Girls-Let Go

The video is lame for this, but the one I had was deleted off YouTube. Now, I'm forced to use this one, sorry! Oh and in response to my last post, I need to do this, but I can't.

Boys + Girls

Okay, so today I went to a OSU/UM party. After Chelsea, Britt, and I left (around 4:30), apparently everyone that was there was playing spin-the-bottle. And this one chick kissed three guys that I'm pretty good friends with.

Now, the one I don't have a problem with her kissing. She like/d him before anyways. But the other two.. Boy A, he's basically taken. He's going away soon, and he likes this girl and him and her have been "unofficially dating" since around homecoming. Now, why would she kiss a boy who is basically taken? That other chick is gonna be mad and its just an awkward situation.

Now, boy B. This kid I dated before, like a year ago almost. But she's one of my supposed best friends. Best friends my ass. Best friends don't kiss boys that you've already dated before, even if it was a long time ago. And then she's telling my other best friend about how he did this cute thing when he did it? What the heck? Seriously, you don't do that to friends.

Another thing, kissing is special. She shouldn't be kissing boys just for the sake of kissing boys. She's never had her first kiss, before tonight, and I guess is almost just getting it over with, per se. A kiss should never just be to get it over with. It should be with a guy you actually like, and are dating, or almost dating. If you're with someone, officially or unofficially, then kissing is okay. Do what you want.

Also, does this mean I like this boy? Maybe, maybe not. I just might not want them together in any way, shape, or form. I could possibly want him back, but he obviously doesn't like me so why spend my time on him? I don't know. Just something about him. I don't want to date him, right now, I just don't want to see him with other girls, kissing other girls, flirting with other girls. Frankly, I'd rather see him with no one, but myself. It just seems like the right thing to be.

My friend, the one that kissed all the boys, if someone else had been the one kissing all the boys, she definitely would have been labeling another person a slut, or something. But since she did it, its okay. No, its not. Since you would have labeled other people sluts, you are labeled that too. If you keep this up, everyone else is gonna know about it and call you that too.

Relationships.

Not "being with" someone is not an entirely bad thing. Just as friends can satisfy the feelings of not having a boyfriend. They can be there for you, but there's no commitment. You can do what you like without worrying about having to call them, or having to be there for them constantly. You can still like other guys and flirt with other guys, but you won't have to worry about this other person finding out because its not a big deal. I want the feeling that its like were going out, but its not official. I don't regret what I have right now, I just don't want to be here. I feel like I'm going to fast and I need to slow down. As much as I like being with someone, I can't put everything into it right now. I don't want commitment yet. I liked how everything was before. And I haven't taken that last step past commitment yet. I'm still cautious and I'm trying to not become attached because nothing ever works out. At least not in high school. If I could go back in time, I'd change this. I'd say I just wanted to be friends for now, but it could turn into something eventually. Because everything was fine until now, where I am now; confused. But its just selfishness, I really shouldn't be regretting anything because everything's going great. I really do like the guy I'm with right now; I really do. I just, I feel like I'm not 100%; and I should be. He doesn't deserve anything below that. He deserves someone who is going to be there all the time for him. I'm trying, I really am.

Here's you, here's me, We can't keep this up.

Alright, so here is the truth. As much as I want to, I cannot do this. I cannot like you. I do, but I cannot, I should not. You hurt my friends and me. You went after my best friend. I do not think you are ready for a serious relationship. I do not think that we can work right now. When you are ready for a long-term relationship, call me. Until then, we can deal with just being friends. Unless, I am wrong and you think you have matured. If you are ready for more than two weeks together, then lets do this. I am up for a relationship. I could use one right now. See, this is my deal, I want this:
+ will always be there no matter what is going on.+ has good hair.+ is involved in sports.+ plays the guitar. + will be able to make me laugh even if I'm not in the mood. + listens to Relient K as much as I do.+ gets good grades.+ does all the 'typical' boyfriend stuff (i.e.-holding hands, etc)+ can hang out with my friends and me.+ will come over just to say hi.+ doesn't diss my extra-curriculars.+ is conservative+ will go into girlie stores at the mall and wouldn't care -hahh (:+ is looking for a long-term relationship+ likes those movies that deal with the government (i.e.-breach, shooter)+ loves every roller coaster at Cedar Point+ doesn't brag about themselves+ is willing to give all my 'weird bands' a chance+ would go to the art museum to see the Andy Warhol exhibit+ takes me golfing or something else random+ has classes in school with me so we can see each other a lot (:+ likes 24 (i.e. the best TV show ever)+ thinks acoustic music is amazing+ doesn't flirt with other girls especially when I'm around.+ will take me golfing or some other random thing (:+ is nice, sweet, kind.+ does not have a big ego+ is completely, 110% committed to me

that's what I'm looking for. when you can do this, ill be here.

I'm back (:

Why is it that people tend to assume? If you have ever watched the episode of 8 Simple Rules where the dad says to his daughter, "when you ASSUME, you make an ass out of you and me." I love this quote. It shows how assuming leads you to what you believe is the truth, but in most cases is not. I hate assuming. I like fact. I like the truth.

Then you can start to make it better.

I miss it. I want it. I like it. I love it. I need it. I am lost without it. I care for it. I cherish it. I cannot go on without it. You could say I am not in a good mood. Not understanding life and all. People and their agendas. I hate it. I hate being betrayed. I hate not knowing how to approach a situation. I hate not knowing what the next move is. Maybe there is not one. Maybe I am supposed to wait it out. Maybe it will come to me. But maybe is not for sure. You cannot depend on maybes, only positives. I am positive it is what I want. I am positive I am going to find a way back to it. I am positive I am going to get it again and not let go for as long as I can.